Powerful Memories

Putting my daughter to bed tonight I sang the song Long December by Counting Crows.  I very nice song, but a sad one.  However, it has special meaning to me.  The song came out not long after my father passed away.  One of the lyrics goes "Long December, and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last."  I remember listening to this song for the first time.  It just happened to be December.  I sat there thinking to myself that maybe this year will be better than the last.  Lord knows I couldn't have gotten worse!

The loss of a parent is so powerful.  I love my father so much.  Every day he is not with me is a sad day.  Don't get me wrong, I don't go though life sad and depressed all the time.  There is just this ever present sadness that simply exists because he is no longer part of my every day life.

Sometimes I feel sad because my father never met his grandchildren.  Sometimes, I feel sad because I just want to feel his embrace one more time.  Just one more reassuring hug so that I will feel like a kid again, a time in my life when a simple hug made everything OK.  Sometimes I just want to hear his voice one more time; hear him laugh; hear him tell those same jokes he told over and over again.  Sometimes I just want my dad. 

Little things set me off, like that song did tonight.  However, as I write this, despite my twinge of sadness, I still have a smile on my face.  I guess that's a good sign.  I guess that's what keeps us going on when we lose a loved one.  It's what gives us the strength to live our lives to the fullest, so that their lives, lost too soon, won't be lost in vain.  Love you dad!